Most teens are allergic to correction.
They have been corrected so much, and they feel wrong. They feel that if they get corrected one more time, they’ll die. So, they constantly ward off correction.
Most teens do this with the words “I know”. It doesn’t matter what you say, he’ll cut you off with “I know”.
Some shut you, and your possible corrections, out with noise- cancelling headphones.
Some barricade themselves in their room, and become nocturnal creatures who only venture out when you are asleep.
Some flee life altogether.
Each of these typical teen-behaviors is an effort to ward off correction.
And here you were all worried that your kid didn’t love you! If that were true, he wouldn’t care what you thought of him. No, the trouble is that your approval was all important; he just didn’t get enough of it.
He has this drive to try to be right – it’s inborn; you have this drive to teach him how to survive. Where did it go wrong?
There was a time you could show him how to draw a dinosaur ,or how to bake those cookies. Aaaahh, but those were the days that you admired his art, no matter what it looked like, and you ate those cookies. “Yum, yum” you said, “Thank you” you said, “Yummy!” After that, after you had admired the sweet lumps of undercooked dough, you could teach him all kinds of kitchen magic.
Then he grew up and you expected “better”, you expected “more from a boy his age”, and the Ice Age set in.
And now, with all the admiration long dried up, you are going to revive it. He’ll be a little suspicious at first, but you persist – you admire.
You don’t need to lie and fake admiration for things to which you have been opposed. You just have to admire something about him. If you don’t like the pink and green hair, admire how neatly he did it. “Quite professional”, you say.
Your job is to find things you can admire about your teen.
If this is hard for you, start with just noticing your teen and commenting on him/her. “I see you chose yogurt this morning”. (No right or wrong about it, you are just saying “I know you are there”. It’s an undercut, just seeing each other. You keep this up, 3 X a day, you speak to him without making him wrong. He’ll eventually feel that he can receive your comm and live. After that he’ll notice you too. It’s a start.
How long do you have to keep this up? As long as it takes for him to look forward to your noticing his new band shirt. It’s a form of admiration; noticing.
This is a slow process, there is a lot of upset to bleed off.
Gradually step it up, admire the damn shirt, be curious about the band.
“What kind of music do they make?”
“What’s your favorite song?”
“Can you put that on my phone?” (ask for help)
Any time the above does not fly; back up the gradient.
If you are patient, if you persist, you will again become the go-to person in his life.
In that role you can teach him anything, including judgment.
Love, Joke